When you are pregnant there is a lot of planning you can be doing. You will be thinking about your birth, and hopefully making some plans or at least researching and figuring out your preferences. It might be about where to have your baby, what pain relief you want or how you feel about interventions. Whatever your circumstances there will be lots of things to consider and quite rightly a lot of focus goes on birth (I teach antenatal classes, I absolutely believe in the importance of information and education when it comes to birth!).
You will almost certainly be doing lots of research into baby equipment! There are some expensive purchases to make and you will want to make sure you are choosing the right car seat, pram, cot, nappies and everything else. You will be starting to make plans about life with your baby, what you need, where the clothes will go, nappy changing stations. Maybe you are thinking ahead and researching groups and classes or nurseries and childminders.
But there is something that a lot of new parents don’t make any plans for or overlook completely, more than likely not recognising the significance. The amazing time when you first bring your baby home from hospital – the early days and weeks when you are adjusting to your new life together.
Making plans for this postnatal (postpartum) period is more important than you might think when you are pregnant. Until you are in the midst of postpartum it can be difficult to appreciate how hard this time can be. It is definitely worth spending some time during your pregnancy to work out how you might like this time to look.
If this is your first baby you might not know what you want or when the time comes your feelings might change and you want to do things differently. Of course that is totally fine and this is a way of thinking about your postnatal time and what I think it is worth considering. It can certainly be a flexible collection of your thoughts and ideas but discussing it with those around you will mean they are able to support you and understand what you want and need.
Visitors
This can be a little tricky and it is definitely worth thinking about in advance and letting people know what you are planning so there are no tricky conversations once baby arrives.
These first few days and weeks are a chance for everyone to get to know each other and adjust to life together. For you, it is time to recover from birth, to bond with your baby and establish breastfeeding (if you are). Chances are you will be in or close to your bed, mostly in pyjamas or minimal clothing, wearing your large maternity pads, dealing with the changes to your body and the rollercoaster of your hormones.
Your baby is adjusting to huge changes as they start to figure out the world. Newborns need to time to get to know their parents too. They need time to bond and connect, figure out breastfeeding, be held skin to skin to familiarise with your smells and your voice and settle themselves. The closeness to you and chance to feed frequently is really important in the early weeks. Having visitors can mean people who want to pass the baby round exposing them to more people and delaying feeding as it is not uncommon for well-meaning visitors to hold the baby, rock them to sleep and generally try and help mum out by holding onto an unsettled baby who just needs to be back with mum and feeding.
You might also find that if you have visitors you feel obliged to host. This is absolutely not the time for you to be hosting and worrying whether everyone has a drink and some food! This is where your visitors should be worrying about whether YOU have a drink and some food while you snuggle your baby.
Whatever you choose I would certainly recommend that everyone has to check first and be prepared to bring some shopping or a meal. Don’t be afraid to point your visitors in the direction of the kettle and washing machine (or whatever else you need doing). If your visitors aren’t prepared to do a quick chore if you need help while you feed your baby then maybe they aren’t the visitors for the first weeks.
Rest!
Plan some time to rest. It might sound silly when new babies sleep so much but at the same time new parents are usually exhausted. It will probably take some time to work out your sleep patterns with your partner to make sure you all get some sleep but in the first weeks you can absolutely prioritise sleep at any time of the day or night. A surprising number of babies seem to be nocturnal and you can’t change that for a few weeks (or months) so initially you are best rolling with it and sleeping whenever you can.
Not everyone finds it easy to nap in the daytime (although you might find you aren’t so much napping as getting the bulk of your sleep) but you can still find time to rest. Rather than trying to do things while your baby sleeps it can be helpful to get comfy with your feet up and watch something or read a book. As a side note this isn’t a ‘sleep while the baby sleeps’ message but if you are holding them while they sleep then take advantage. As they get older then you will definitely want to get jobs done while they nap but in the early weeks your recovery needs to take priority.
Healing
There is a lot going on in your body post birth. Whatever type of birth you have had your body needs time to heal. You might have stitches healing or swelling going down. You will be bleeding (lochia) as the uterus contracts and the area the placenta was attached heals. Meanwhile all your internal organs are reorganising themselves, your digestive system might be struggling to recover and your vitamin and mineral balance might need time to rebalance after pregnancy.
You will doubtless have your own ways to heal but the key is generally rest and time. Lots of cultures place huge significance on the weeks after birth with special foods and lots of help and support for the new mum so she can heal and care for her baby. We don’t do that so well in the UK so you might need to readjust your thinking. Spending time in your bed or on the sofa, not getting dressed and doing little other than care for baby is absolutely a good thing. Pregnancy and birth are huge for your body and there are no prizes for ‘bouncing back’ whatever social media may lead you to believe.
You might want to prep a few things to help your recovery. Some people will use homeopathic remedies for their perineum, you might want a peri-bottle to spray warm water, or ice packs you can use for swelling. Ibuprofen and paracetamol are both fine to take after birth so having some in case might be a good idea. You could think about where you will spend your time and set up little stations so you have everything to hand. An insulated cup can be a life-saver and a box of snacks close to hand is important too!
Food and drinks
Which brings us nicely to food and drinks. Although you are going to have little time it is really important to try and look after yourself well with nutritious options.
Try and have some healthier options for snacks. When you are tired and hungry it is all too easy to go for biscuits and chocolate but having some healthier cereal bars, protein bars or nuts and fruit to choose from will help your body.
It is likely that both you and your partner will struggle to manage shopping and cooking every day so plan out how you can get good meals easily. It might be that family and friends can drop off meals or you might use one of the online meal delivery services, or get ready in pregnancy and batch cook for the freezer so you can easily reheat when you are ready to eat.
If you are breastfeeding you will need to ensure you stay well hydrated, have your water bottle close by or an insulated cup for the hot drinks. And make sure you eat enough – breastfeeding uses up lots of calories and you can easily be trapped under a baby who does a lovely long feed followed by a nap.
Support network and your mental health
Your support network might be something that develops once your baby is here and you get out and about to meet other new mums but you might already have some others from your antenatal classes who are in your phone to support you if you need it.
It’s also worth thinking about who else is around you. It is really important that you have support in those early weeks and if people are going to be more of a hindrance or put you under any pressure to do things in a way you don’t want to then you need to consider how that will affect you. If you know that there are some family members who might be a little too enthusiastic with their views it is probably worth having the tricky conversations before the baby arrives. Or even practice some responses.
‘Thank you, we will think about it’
‘Thank you, we have already decided to…..’
‘That’s interesting, we are going to try…… but useful to know’
‘It’s good to know what worked for you, we will bear it in mind’
It isn’t uncommon to have some difficulties with mental health after birth. After the hormonal rollercoaster of the first couple of weeks things should settle down so if you feel you have feelings of depression, anxiety or anything else that is not you and is impacting on your life speak to someone. It could be your partner, friends, family or health visitor or GP. There is also lots of online support and information out there – PANDAs is a great organisation. https://pandasfoundation.org.uk/
If you have experienced any problems with your mental health previously is would be a good idea to have some plans for support in place in case you start to feel you need it. If you are not feeling great in pregnancy speak to your midwife and ensure you get the right help straight away and that can then continue after your baby is born if you need it.
You might not have a lot of time for yourself initially but it can be really important even if you can just get 5-10 minutes to do whatever you want. It might be some peace sitting in the garden, reading a book, a bath or shower or some gentle stretches. Self care is important but sometimes we get so obsessed with what we ‘should’ be doing we miss the chance to do the little things that will help in the situation we are in.
Learn what to expect
Despite feeling that I teach a comprehensive antenatal course I also fully appreciate that it doesn’t really prepare you for what it is like to have a brand new baby! What I do hope it does is help you understand more about babies and what to expect from their behaviour. It can be so helpful to know what is normal for a baby so you can feel reassured your baby is just doing their normal thing and that you haven’t got it all wrong if they aren’t sleeping through the night and going 4 hours between feeds like Auntie Ethel says they should. Knowing your baby is unlikely to sleep more than 3 hours and often only 1-2 hours and that 8-12+ feeds is normal for 24 hours might not make it less exhausting but hopefully helps your sanity.
Local Research
There are some things that are definitely worth finding out before your baby arrives. Where are your local health visitor clinics, where do you go to get your baby weighed, feeding drop in groups, Children’s Centre/Family Hubs, drop in baby groups. You might also research other options depending on your intentions – private breastfeeding support with a local IBCLC (the best qualification in breastfeeding), baby massage classes, other class and groups for you and your baby.
Of course you can find it all out once baby is here but your brain is probably a bit clearer before they arrive and you might even check out where some places are – public transport or parking options - and when groups are on so you don’t discover the thing you really wanted to go to was yesterday.
Lots you can think about! And if you are feeling unsure about how this will all work for you, send me a message. As a postnatal doula I support people in their own homes once baby arrives, take a look at the rest of the website to find out more and I am also really happy to meet you before baby arrives if you want to book a session to help you think more about all this and plan your postnatal time to be amazing for you all.
Beth x
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