Whether you are the birth partner for your partner or for a friend or family member chances are you want to be the best possible you can be for them. No doubt you have seen TV examples of less than ideal birth partners; the ones who are watching something on the iPad or munching stinky snacks or complaining how tired they are or even sleeping when they are really needed.
So, what makes a good birth partner and what do you need to do to prepare?
Your role in the birth room has lots of elements to it and depending on how the birth goes these might change in importance through the time you are there.
Creating the environment
When you arrive into your birth room you can take some time to make it your own. We know that being able to relax and feel calm makes a huge difference as the oxytocin can really flow in the right space. Check out what your room has that you can use. Often dim lighting is the best so putting the blinds down and adjusting the lighting is a good starting point. Many rooms will have dim lighting options or maybe even mood lighting you can adjust. You can even bring some lights with you – fairy lights or fake candles are easy options.
It might be something visual and you can put some affirmations or pictures around the room or you could be setting up the music playlist.
As the birth partner you will have had some conversations about this before the big day arrives so you will have some ideas.
Reminders
The best thing you can do in labour is switch your thinking brain off. Your birth partner can do the thinking, so you need them to prompt and remind you. Drinks, snacks, toilet trips, breathing techniques, changing positions, relaxation anchors – they help you stay on track without you having to leave your zone
Encouragement
Absolutely not to be underestimated! In those moments where the doubts are in your mind and the little voice in your head is telling you that you can’t do any more or that maybe you need more pain relief or interventions, the calm encouragement and support of a birth partner can make so much difference. Reminding you how amazing you are, how much you have done, how well you are coping and how you can keep going, will get you through the next little while (deliberately vague!). You might not cruise through on breathing alone but their words will really help you through your tough patches.
Little targets can be really helpful if you are aiming to avoid medical pain relief where possible. Saying you can do ‘3 more contractions’ or ‘let’s see in 10 minutes’ just pushing the goal posts a little each time to keep you going. And if you feel the time is right for something else to help you you can be confident you tried everything and the time is right.
Advocacy
Pulling these threads together your birth partner is your biggest advocate in the birth room. They know you the best, they will know your preferences (because you will have discussed it before this moment) and they will hopefully have done some antenatal classes with you to learn about birth. They can ask questions, field questions, vocalise your wishes, concerns and anything else. They can protect your space, shield you and ensure you receive the care you want.
Often it can be helpful for the health care team to speak to the birth partner and they relay that to you so it is a familiar voice you hear through your birth bubble and you can feel more comfortable hearing them and responding to them than you might with midwives and doctors who your just met today.
You can feel vulnerable in labour, even the strongest woman can struggle to find her voice to speak her wishes or concerns so having someone you can trust to speak for you can make the biggest difference to your journey.
Listening
Not just listening, but really listening! And remembering that despite everything above sometimes it is just listening, not fixing.
Labour is hard. It does hurt. It is exhausting. It’s normal to express those feelings. It doesn’t necessarily mean it needs a big fix. Think outside the box a little.
She says she is exhausted. When did she last nibble a snack or take a drink? She might need energy and hydration.
The pain is getting worse. What has been working? Do you need to try some pressure massage, different movement, is she getting tense, breathing well? Did people come in and disturb the space?
She’s fidgety and can’t get comfy. Is she hot? Can you open a window, are her clothes annoying her? Cool flannel on her forehead?
Every comment, complaint or moan isn’t necessarily a direct request for pain relief or a caesarean. You can ease those difficulties for her in other ways if that is what the plan is. You are the one doing the thinking, she is in her birth bubble doing her thing there.
What are you waiting for? Get prepared! Read up on birth, talk about the coping techniques and preferences now, help pack the hospital bag(s) so you know where everything is, and get ready to be the best birth partner!
The Antenatal Course is the perfect preparation to do together, prepare for birth, postnatal, life with your baby and feeding them! A 6 week course to cover everything you need to know.
Comments