There is so much going on for your baby when they are around 4 months. It can feel like you are a bit lost again after maybe starting to feel like you were getting to grips with parenting your little person.
Lots of parents say that it is around 3 months that they start to emerge from the newborn fog. The craziness of no day/night rhythm, the constant feeding, nappies and unpredictability is starting to move towards slightly longer night time sleep and a more predictable rhythm to your day. You might also be starting to relax a little more about caring for your baby (you also might not!).
But it might feel like you have been lulled into a false sense of security. Suddenly your nights feel like you have a newborn again and your baby seems unsettled and needing to back in arms more.
This is made harder by the fact it can feel like a backward step. It felt like progress when your baby slept longer stretches and you could pop them down under the playgym for 5 minutes while you made lunch. We have this idea that progress with your baby is better sleep and increasing independence when actually progress for your baby is really varied.
As they learn new things it can affect other things. So as they progress in one area it might seem like they regress in another. When the change makes life more challenging for us it can feel like we have done something wrong, that we need to fix something when your baby is just finding their way and might need a bit more support while they do.
4 month old babies are amazing. They are much more awake and alert with more awareness of the world around them. They can grasp and hold objects, they are starting to notice cause and effect (shake the rattle it makes a noise, kick the play gym toys and they move) and they are fascinated by the things and people around them. They probably watch what you are doing carefully and some of them will be desperately trying to get involved with everything.
Some babies are rolling or giving it a good try at 4 months, some are loving the tummy time and wriggling around in their own special way making progress around their space. They are improving their hand eye co-ordination as they reach and grab for objects and learn to judge force when they pick things up.
Being more alert and awake means they are taking in so much more about the world around them. They see more, recognise people, and are constantly looking around when you are out and about. When you talk to them they might be starting to ‘talk’ in conversation with you, experimenting with sounds (loudly!) and noises.
Their little brains are in learning overload! It is amazing how much is going on for these babies. And sometimes it can feel quite unsettling. All this new stuff and awareness is a huge change from the curled up newborn whose whole world was you. They are realising there is so much more out there and they don’t quite understand it all just yet.
You are still very much a place of safety and that need to be in your arms reflects the need for reassurance that, in all this change, you are still there. Safe and secure.
All this change can really affect sleep too. When you have lots on your mind it is hard to settle and get a good night’s sleep. And for babies this is true to. They wake more frequently because their brains are processing so much and they need you there for reassurance.
And I haven’t forgotten those wide awake times in the night where your baby wants to practice rolling, or the new dinosaur-like noise, or testing out the sound it makes when they scratch the cot sides. They are loving all this exploration and they don’t really care if it’s 4am, they just know there is stuff to do. Honestly, if they are happy and safe I would leave them to it. Let them have their time, try and rest (you might not be back to sleep if they are experimenting with noise!) but at least lie quietly keeping your room dark and hopefully they will drift off back to sleep. Maybe after a feed or a cuddle.
There is also a growth spurt around 4 months. It might feel like a little while since the last one. They come fast in newborns but it might have been a month or so at this point. A growth spurt usually means more night feeds for a week (or two) and, again, can sow the seeds of doubt.
If your baby was sleeping longer stretches with less night feeds an increase in waking with more feeds leads parents to think their baby is more hungry – correct – but usually with worries that milk isn’t enough, particularly when you are breastfeeding, or has you doubting whether they really ‘need’ those extra night feeds when they didn’t last week.
My advice would be to trust your baby. If they show signs of wanting to feed or know it is the thing that settles them then there is no downside to doing a feed. You aren’t messing up sleep habits or anything like that, just responding to them where they are today. And today might be a hungry day. We all have them!
If a quick feed is what is needed for everyone to get back to sleep, I say go for it! The alternative is likely to be walking/rocking your baby around trying to get them to sleep and even then they might not be fully settled if some milk or time at the breast is what was needed. Remembering that breastfeeding can be about so much more than nutrition. Your baby might be wanting to reconnect, be safe and close, and a feed is the ideal way. It is also the way lots of babies fall asleep, a totally natural thing to happen.
How do you enjoy this 4 month time? Relax! Your baby is really starting to show their personality, they respond more back to you, you can play and have fun together, you will start to see the world through their eyes.
And if they are waking more or seem more unsettled, follow their lead and respond when you need you. That will build their confidence that you are that safe space that is always there when they need it. As they gradually explore more and more of the world, that is so important for them to know. Now is the time to build those foundations so when you have a toddler, a child starting school, a teenager; they always know you are there as their safe place when they need you. They might not be waking you several times a night but they will always need you and the work you are putting in now will reap rewards all through their life.
You are doing an amazing job!
Beth x
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